i'm going to have less blog entries for this year than last. i thought i would have more. i guess that not staying up late and pouring out my soul into hopelessly awful poetry has an downside. wait, what?
i guess i'm less angst-ridden. or just less eager to convey it. sweet.
:)
i might start actually using my tumblr. but perhaps not.
i keep finding references to bellingham, wa. i met some people from there when i went to costa rica in the summer and now the town haunts my life. it's ironic because the people i met pretty much said that bellingham was this small unknown town. i sort of disagree, i keep finding it in unexpected places.
i am going to turn off airport in the hope that it will help me write my paper faster. it's creative writing so it should not matter. i am praying this will work.
There was one disappointment to my Thanksgiving. Every year we light Lazzaroni Amaretti cookie wrappers on fire and watch them float towards the ceiling. This year however, the wrappers did not fly. It was an outrage. We basically decided that they [the Lazzaroni company] changed the wrapper so the potential hazard of the floating wrapper was no more. Hopefully we just got a bad batch though, and the next time we try success will happen!
Was fantastic, as usual. I went up to Maine, to my aunt's house. Every thanksgiving it's my family, my Aunt Linda's family and my Aunt Suse's family. My Aunt Linda's kids fall right in order with my family, my cousin Jess is a year older than me and my cousin Sam is a year younger (actually, he's only 3 months younger than me but is in a different grade). Sam and my brother hang out and Jess and I stick together. Then my cousin's Maris and Leslie are awesome too; Maris' boyfriend Joe was also there, and he is also pretty fabulous (see this).
There was plenty of delicious food and some hilarious games of Scattergories. We (my mom, Aunt Suse, Leslie and I) walked to the lake after dinner, basically in the dark and that was super. This year we had like a 4 hour break between dinner and dessert, which I liked. I have a bunch of pictures I need to upload now though, so hopefully that will happen. I also hope to see some of the stop-action madness that happened on Maris and Joe's camera!
is so fantastic!
=] =] =] love her.
i'm so souped for thanksgiving. maine is one of my favorite places. and i'm pretty sure there will be snow!
that even though Robert Pattison wear's his hair sort of awfully a fair amount of the time, he's reasonably good looking. ha.
hahahahaha
so that's the one side of a rubix cube i can complete before being unable to do anything else. but whatever.
i got accepted into college! yes! i got a super fast reply from the university of vermont. so i know, at the very least and assuming i pass all of my classes, i will have somewhere to go to school next year. :D
I went to the first swim practice of the season. I forget how much I like the sport during the off-season. I've been putting it off and I don't know why.
I'm excited that Obama was elected. It gives me hope for this country. My one friend was really negative about the whole thing, like, "it doesn't matter who won because nothing will be done." I just think that's the wrong attitude to have. No one's perfect, we don't have superheroes. We can have hope. We have to have hope. Why live in America without it? We are given a chance to choose. And even if you don't like either of the choices, there is always a lesser evil, no matter what. I don't believe that there isn't. So what if they can't manage all they've promised to do? Who can? Who does?
On one side it seems reasonable to hold Presidents to a higher standard than other people, but truly they're only human. It's human to make mistakes. It's human to be unable to complete everything. They aren't superhuman.
Another friend of mine said, "I hope Obama's a good president. I hope I'm not disappointed." I think this is a better view. To have hope for the future. To have a bit of confidence in who is leading the country. I don't know what else you can have.
Is going surprisingly well, thankfully.
I mean, I'm starting 2nd quarter tomorrow! 1/4 of senior year done!
It's so crazy. We had our Halloween dance yesterday and it was pretty fantastic. I've got 3 applications done. I'm going to submit my URI one today, but my guidance counselor is on her honeymoon, so my transcript and other stuff won't be sent out for a little while. Oh well. I need to start on my Columbia application. Since I care about that a lot. I'm debating on whether to have an interview at Brown. I like it, but the reasons I like it are more location based than anything else. Though the make your own academic plan deal is kind of cool. I don't know yet.
We had a mock election today in school that somehow we convinced our teacher to let us do. So an AP Calc class conducted a mock presidential election. Weird?
It pisses me off that some people didn't vote because they were like "None of the candidates are capable." They're totally the same people who will complain about who was elected. If you don't vote you lose that right. If you didn't try to influence who was elected, you can't complain about what happened. That's such crap too. Who is capable? Really, tell me, because I'd love to know. The U.S. is such a complex country that I really think it is tough to define who would be best to run it, so if you really like neither candidate, go with the lesser evil. Vote for who agrees with you. That's why we have Congress, so people can't go and enact radical laws.
Besides that though, can I quit life? Senior year sucks.
i'm falling asleep and sitting on the edge of my seat dying to move
there are too many thoughts in my head
i can't express this feeling
there is only wrong
no no no rights
all that's left is being alone
and i'm trying to change
will you still love me if i'm not the same?
there isn't enough time to explain
and i'm falling down again
this adrenaline is racing through my veins
and this night is nowhere near over
waiting on those words that hopefully won't change
i'm hoping you'll still feel the same
i'm hoping you'll still feel the same way now
Canoeing isn’t easy. My trip through the Allagash Wilderness Waterway taught me that, among other things. The trip, traveling by canoe for 14 days and living in the wild, is one of the foremost experiences in my life and has lead to greater changes in how I live today. Before the trip I had never been camping and was not incredibly fond of the outdoors. To me, the outdoors was muddy, buggy and gross. I still dislike bugs, but no longer fear the outdoors. The trip threw me headfirst into camping, setting up tents, tarps, cooking on small camp stoves and practicing “Leave No Trace” (LNT) principles. LNT was part of the valuable knowledge I gained on the trip; the principles emphasize a low environmental impact. Which is especially important today, where the environment is being destroyed far to often.
From 20 miles spent canoeing in one day to carrying a canoe over 1.5 miles, the trip was a test of strength and skill. The experience broadened my knowledge of camping, instilled a respect for nature in me, and taught me how much everyday comforts are taken for granted. The lack of ordinary comforts such as running water and indoor plumbing heightened my awareness of how imperative those comforts are as well as how many people today lack those comforts. Furthermore, the trip made me desire to test my boundaries. The next summer I flew to Colorado by myself to participate in a leadership camp, an activity I never would have done without the first experience. There I gained my Wilderness First Aid certification and advanced my knowledge of LNT principles. Using this new knowledge, last summer I worked at the camp that gave me the experience of the Allagash trip. I did this hoping to help other girls have the same phenomenal experience I had. Overall, the affects of the trip on me, both tangible and intangible are too numerous to count. The journey was 14 days, but the experience will stay with me for a lifetime.
it's probably going to be edited a little from this, and my friend is going to kill me for the cliche ending, but i think it's alright. i haven't proofread it yet.
Was the day of my last high school cross country race. It's sort of sad, but not too much. I'm sure I'm going to be way more broken up about swimming, since that has always been a bigger part of my life.
I also decided the other day that I am going to move out of this country once I finish college or my time in the Peace Corps, assuming that happens. But I don't know. I'm not sure if any other place is too much better. People on a whole are corrupt, why should it change if I'm not living in America?
I just watched the mock SNL VP debate (finally) on nbc.com. Then I looked at the comments and most of them were super intense political ones. All I could think was, "but dude, that clip was friggin' hilarious, who cares what you think about the candidates?"
I'm so articulate. Really all I have to say right now is that the bailout is needed, because the market won't fix itself (as shown by Herbert Hoover's actions during the 1930s). Also regulation is needed because it is obvious that deregulation has never worked (failing twice now) and never will work.
Furthermore, the plan to buy all the mortgages of the common people and refinance the mortgages is one of the worst I have ever heard and makes absolutely no sense to me.
I am so liberal. It's ironic that I think socialized medicine is an awful plan.
It's finally my senior year, and it's no different than any other. If anything, it's been worse. I haven't done anything for college really, so yeah, I'm going to university next year. If I ever get my act together. And it's not even being lazy that's my problem, I'm just plain apathetic. I don't care. But I wish I did. I've basically convinced myself I won't get into my first choice school (though I won't know how well I have unless I get rejected) and it's just absurd. I have good enough grades and test scores, I wish I could just be like, "You should let me into your school." And that be the end. Why have to describe some experience that might mean nothing to me in 20 years in an effort to convey my originality and personality. I'm 16 years old, almost 17, how original can I be? Most of the experiences I've had are common experiences, not something life-shattering. How am I supposed to convey that I deserve to go to a school?
And it's not only that. Columbia is my first choice school, right? I wish I could convey the feeling I had when I visited. I fell in love. I didn't go there expecting that. I went expecting it to be nice, to be in the city, to be prestigious. I fell in love with their program of studies, with their emphasis on reading, with the school itself. And if I don't get in, no matter how much I have convinced myself otherwise, it will hurt. I'll go to another school, but it most likely won't be one I love. And this, I suppose, is why I'm apathetic. I'm afraid.
Afraid of what the answers will be when I send in that essay and tell my school were to send my transcripts, tell the test websites who to give my scores to. The finality of those actions is frightening. And I am beyond scared, I am terrified.
Thinking about this makes me a nervous wreck. Thinking about how much my classes this year affect things make me more of a nervous wreck. AP English IV is going to ruin my life. And it's most likely my fault, but I never said I was a decent writer.
how cliched i can be:
now the heart beating in my chest
feels emptier with every breath
as my lungs cave in
knowing i will never see you again
what a melodramatic malady
teenage tears and such ambidextrous apologies
for every bit of false hope you gave
i will take it too the grave
take them to the grave
those final words you said to me
in that ultimate hypocrisy
there is nothing more true than that
---
and after that point i go on and on about some other matter and i don't understand my train of thought or remember writing those words.
find me somewhere safe to hide
treason is within my reach
i am too tired to sleep
hold me while i finish this drink
every word is a tiny lie
whispering that i am fine
hopefully they believe it too
i can't forget anything, anything now
trying my hardest you won't break down
blood spills and i cry out
i've never wanted so much to die.
----
i've got more inarticulate apologies in me than will ever get out. every single thought is a question of whether you would try. i am so tired of thinking too much into every detail, forgetting every thing i must do. i would give everything up for too little. i know it. this obsession must stop. at least this year. one more to go, and i will still have work, and be even more alone. is there something broken? sometimes i fear it is me. i am sick of these thoughts in my head. when i don't sleep i rant and rave. only to my computer. i procrastinate then hate myself for it. there are no excuses. i miss who i thought i was.
i'm waiting for an exit
find me behind those trees
i don't want to be seen in your company
i miss the silence of our goodbyes
there is nothing left to be seen
secrets not lies behind those shadowed eyes
too tired to play this game
sorry i could not be there before
sorry i'm not here anymore
---------
i wish i could turn back time. I feel so useless now, faced with what I know. And I regret it, but I can't change what was done. I am sorry. I wish I knew what I was apologizing for.
Is where I am.
After a sojourn in Maine, working at my favorite camp ever. It was good, but I just got home and am still tired from everything. And all I wanted to do was sit and do nothing, but apparently that's not going to happen. Practice starts today, but I'm just going on a run instead. I don't want to see everyone really. Not that everyone. There are people I want to see.
I wish I had more time before school because I just want summer now, and senior year is going to be hell. Nothing else. In May, after I've taken the AP English Exam, I will be happy. Because just about everything will be done by then. Actually, my portfolio still might not be finished and I probably won't have presented my senior project. So I'll be done when I graduate and no sooner. This year is going to suck.
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
they're fabulous. fo' sho'.
so hopefully i'm going to preorder "want" today or tomorrow.
it sick that they have a sign.
303 representttttt. haha.
... to pennsylvania
listening to: playradioplay!
(obv)
Besides that, it's super windy outside today. I went to the beach, but wasn't warm enough to go in the water. Plus it's freezing here in comparison to CR! Like 20 degrees colder or something. I'll go in though, it's perfectly warm enough. I need to clean things. I bought my summer reading today, as well as the Calvin & Hobbes 10th Anniversary book, which my english teacher recommended to me for my Senior Project, which I really need to start working on.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a band w/super powers (as the main characters/protagonists), but I need a villain. Ideas? Or I need to decide to make it more of a story book or something else. I also need to talk to Maris, like crazy. Furthermore, I can never find the cable for my camera when I need to upload photos. It is most annoying. I want to just leave for Maine now, I know I'll miss everyone, but I like leaving I think. I like the feeling of packing up and having almost all I'll need in a bag. I like moving. I don't know if I'll be able to settle down when I grow up. Next week it will feel like I've been here too long. Costa Rica wasn't like that. I want to go back so badly. It already in my plans, that and possibly Spain. As well as Italy, of course.
My right leg is really sore right now, and it's upsetting because I need to run. I'm running 9.3 miles in less than two weeks (a week from this Sunday actually) and I'm not really ready. But I'll finish, so I'm not worried. I'm going to get fat though. Well, probably not since I decided to eat like a vegan (possibly vegetarian if vegan becomes too hard to maintain) at camp.
I'm tired. I still miss some kids. I want to see them. =|
Everything will resolve, I am sure. =]
- Spend time with friends before I leave, again.
- Music: make some, pick up the sax again, and work on guitar
- Surf
- Go to the beach, swim + become black (but no skin cancer thanks)
- Sleep more
- RUN
So much I could write in this!
But really, I want to say that I went to Costa Rica for two weeks.
And I need a shower, ahora.
I'm probably going to talk in spanglish for the rest of my life.
Oh, dear.
I was thinking about it, and one time I had a dream that I was going to play bass for Duran Duran. And I was going to travel to Europe by car.
So maybe the other dream isn't so strange? Just way more symbolic, I suppose.
This was on Wednesday night/morning, just before I woke up, at 4:53, before my alarm. It was strange. There is no time frame. I am incredibly vague about some points, because I honestly am not sure whether the facts just made sense when I was thinking about it. Anyway, here it goes...
There was a balance beam, of that I am sure. It was like a birch tree, suspended 30 feet in the air (it was horizontal, obviously). I was walking on it, one foot in front of another. There were others there. The two I think were there were Lindsey and Lucas (a pair of twins that go to my school, I am not too well-acquainted with either, though Lucas is in my english class). I think Lindsey was in front of me and Lucas was behind, but I am not so sure. The figure I think was Lindsey fell (or someone fell), and someone yelled (Lucas?). And then there was an avalanche.
I missed this before. The birch was above a mountain, and to either side were spruce and pines, but I was above them. Maybe it was more than 30 feet. And somehow, for balance, I was holding onto tree branches that were sticking out towards me as I was walking. but after the avalanche, it becomes less clear. I remember the snow hurling down the mountain towards me, but below me. Then worrying about who had fallen, worrying about everything.
Then there were more people. And a white wall, it was huge. There was some sort of adult figure. Everyone was mad at me. But I don't know why. I don't think I understood in the dream either. I just knew I was wrong, and they had reasons, I think. At some point, possibly before the anger, I saw Kenny lurking/walking around, near the edge of the wall. I did not speak to him, but this is one part of the dream I am sure of.
Then, and this is a possibility, I may have talked to Graichen. I was by myself and someone came up to me, I think it was him. We talked, he was more exasperated than angry and I think he called me an idiot, But this I am not so sure of. But then I was going to sleep outside (which is weird, was I inside then, next to a massive white wall? Everything was white), and J.P. was like, "It's alright Sarah, I'll come with you." So for some inane reason I had to brush my teeth, so I go to the bathroom, and we know the light is out, so J.P. comes in with this massive light bulb, not incandescent or anything, just about 9 inches tall. He proceeds to try to replace the lightbulb, in a room that is inexplicably well lit. The bulb breaks though, J.P. dropped it. But "It's alright," I say, "I'll use the other bathroom." So I leave that one and walk to the next room over, which contains a bathroom that was strangely familiar yet I can no longer place. And then I woke up.
------
Possibly the strangest dream I have ever had. I don't understand it. So many of the details are incredibly unclear. I don't think I make much sense in the telling of it. Sorry.
If I ever have kids, they are going to be up to date on their vaccinations. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I think it is illogical to not vaccinate your child if there is no medical reason not to do so. Who knows where they will go and what they will be doing in the future? Who knows if a neighbors kid (or the neighbor) is going to come back with some disease that you happened to not get your child vaccinated for because you thought vaccinations would give them autism? (Which, there is not a proven link to and the theory was brought to the public by a statement that was unproved at the time and roughly quoting Time Magazine "retracted by 10 of the 12 people who made it". I think, because I left the magazine downstairs. Also, mercury in vaccinations was once thought of as a cause (and still is?) but mercury was taken out of all but the flu vaccination and autism levels have not dropped.) End of story: vaccinate (or die)!
I don't really have a strong opinion on chicken pox vaccinations, because it won't kill you. But personally (as a teenager), I am very happy never to have had it and hopefully to never have it, because I was (dun dun dun!) vaccinated! (gasp).
Anyway, I read the cover story of this weeks time and it just made me angry. Because if there is a way to prevent a child from being sick, even if the likelihood of the child contracting the disease is incredibly low, it doesn't make sense to me not to use that solution.
there's so much i could talk about.
how i have scrapes from going down a tube slide at high speeds.
how i now own a tie dye shirt that is completely awesome.
how my friend and i were pretty much ditched,
had another friend drive forever basically to bring us home,
and then had an awesome time.
how i played frisbee barefoot for the first time,
and worried about glass in the park
and stood still looking for an open safety pin on the ground
how i threw a rock at my friend with my foot
because he was throwing rocks in my general direction.
(i hit him though).
how all my teachers decide now is a good time to assign things.
how i am going to fail english. ma quello e` non vero.
how i wish i knew more italian.
how i am said that i am probably going to miss seeing one of my best friends graduate
but am incredibly excited to go to costa rica.
how i sort of failed at sailing today
but we won and had our first home match
how this kid ate the brownie i was specifically saving for myself
how i am so stressed
but feel incredibly content in writing all this
how i never do my homework
and subsequently am going to fail english.
how i have to research literature using martyrs and revolutionists
(when i really wanted to study afghanistan's history)
how i really wish i knew where i was going in life.
how ridiculous this list is.
how i'm learning how to play guitar, sort of.
quello e` tutti del lo. il mio italiano e` cattivo, mi dispiace.
that is all of it.
when i checked that in google translate to make sure it made a little sense, it told me that "il mio italiano e` cattivo" meant "my english is bad". yet when i translate "my italian is bad" from english to italian, it totally give me what i wrote. lame.
Today I had an absolutely horrid time at sailing.
It sucked.
I could barely manage.
But what could I have been doing instead?
PLAYING ULTIMATE FRISBEE.
What could be better?
I just can't deal with this.
No more sailing on Mondays for me, just frisbee.
For realz.
Madonna's new single, 4 Minutes is just sort of upsetting. The song is pretty awful and the video itself is just lame. I mean, Hannah Montana's spoof on it is better. Mainly because Miss Cyrus's has some sick break dancing. But seriously.
I decided that I want to try out for the All-State Senior Jazz Band. Not for bass, but alto saxophone. Looking at this years requirements, I'm realizing that it is going to be very difficult. Molto difficile, as I say all the time. I hope it will work out though. I need to work on my improv, tone, learn scales, and just regain all my saxophone ability, I suppose. I was decent at it, even good, though I'm not the best judge.
I want to try out for the Senior Orchestra as well, for bass. That way if I didn't make the Jazz Band, I would hopefully still make orchestra.
Okay, dilemma:
may 6 = the fall of troy, the dear hunter + two bands I haven't heard of in new haven
may 8 = the classic crime, sksk + aiden in new haven
I am not going to get parental permission to go to both of these. I know it. But aghhhhh. Choosing which one to go to is difficult. I might not be able to go on the 6th anyway because it is a tuesday. =|
I think it is not fun at all to tune the E string on a bass down to D.
It's strung in fourths, leave it that way gosh darn it.
This is my main excuse for not bothering to learn ETID bass lines.
And I just don't like it.
edit: i hope i'm right about the fourths things because i mix it up a lot.
by the time i get these, everyone i know will have a pair. =(
but i'm going to get these, and as far as i know, no one i know has plans to get them. =]
I am going to Bamboozle. For sure. I don't have a ride this year. And even if I managed to find a ride at this point, I don't have the money. So next year I will be able to drive myself and afford a two-day pass, hopefully. I think there is a good chance. =)
I can't go to Warped this year because I will be working. But I really want to see LoveHateHero in April. But I'm hopefully going to see the Classic Crime, SKSK, etc. soon after in May. So I don't know if I'll have parental permission. And I need someone to go with. =|
I'm ridiculous.
i made a facebook group for the british band You Me At Six a while ago because I couldn't find any groups for them. And for the next few months there weren't. Now there are no less than 12 groups about the band. Facebook is really lame sometimes. I hate it.
You know what I think about a lot? How much I care about other people. Not about how much they care about how I look. But just like, caring. You know? Like oh, I hope they're doing alright, I hope they feel better...etc. This extends to basically acquaintances. Sort of.
=| I should be writing an english paper right now. Arghhh.
I haven't really written in a long time. Here or in my notebook (which I prefer). Honestly, I'm really trying to avoid everything that's happening right now. Some things are perfectly alright, really good even, in some cases, but some stuff is just stressing me out. It's lame. I use the word 'lame' so much these days. I'm not even sure who I know that says that. Probably no one.
Outside the wind is howling. Or exhaling very loudly. It's more of a roar than that thin reedy sound of wind whistling through trees.
Today I went with my mom to pick up my brother and his friend from their soccer games, and the way up it rained. One the way home, it poured. The wind was incredible. It was probably some of the worst rain I've seen. [That may or may not be an exaggeration, because at the time the rain was pretty intense.] Anyway, the weather today was awful.
I'm learning how to drive (finally!). Yesterday I watched the Bourne Ultimatum and today I watched the Bourne Supremacy (out of order, I know) and what they have taught me about driving is this: potentially, you can go through a vicious road chase, escape the police and get the person chasing you killed, all without doing much/any damage to your own body.
Personally, I don't think there are enough overpasses or construction sites here for me to do that.
Listening to Angels and Airwaves makes me feel so weird. I haven't really listened to them much, but I've heard "Secret Crowds" on the radio a few times recently and decided to listen to their first album. I just feel like I'm listening to Blink-182, but a little more mellow. Obviously I know the reason for this, but it just... is so odd.
It's so lame that the YMCA pool pump is broken. We can't swim in the other pool because it's booked, apparently. I'm guessing a birthday party, because those bring in money and we don't. So we're practicing at URI the next two days. Lame lame lame lame.
The only good side is that we're racing at URI on Saturday (well, the boys are on Sunday). But seriously.
Hm. So I guess I'm in a band? Pretty sweet I suppose. There's no drummer though. I have no idea why they're so difficult to find. If I had the coordination and what not I would be a drummer. I like bass though, so it's all good. There is a drum set in my basement. For my brother, who never practices or plays the drums.
I really like vacation, but it's already Wednesday. =| I wish it was earlier in the week.
I'm going to go bake something.
I'm sort of a fan of the new Good Charlotte single. I'm going on a wing saying it's their new single, because I've heard it only very recently and the radio is the only place I could have heard it. I heard it in gym today though. =| Anyway, I listen to what amount to a Top 40 Radio Station in the morning, and as the hits have been more pop-punk, pop-rock (ish) recently, it's been a little more bearable. I kind of like the song though. It was stuck in my head like all morning though, just one line, which was sort of annoying.
Another good thing: Mayday Parade. They rock.
I love that I wake up to the radio, because more often than not it doesn't wake me up. The whole reason I listen to a Top 40 station is because if I listen to my local rock station it just doesn't wake me up. I tend to sleep through music I know. Generally the pop awfulness on 105.5 (what I wake to) wakes me up. Honestly, it's all catchy as hell.
And most of it I would cringe at if I heard it during the day.
How I wish my town was a large city. If only every band I want to see would come here. I could have my mother drive me to the venue, drop me & friends off and if anything happened I'm already super close to home. Or I could go with Kara.
Why are the shows I want to go to always on Sundays?
You probably do not understand how overrated I find Paramore. They're not bad, some of their songs are catchy. Their newest video (Crushcrushcrush (more crushes?) sucks. And they have no lasting power really. You can't listen to them for a long time. Sorry all you people who love them. This time next year? Maybe not so much.
What I'm about to write makes me want to giggle... here it goes.
Why Andy Horst (from This Providence) and Me would be BFFL:
- We both love coffee
- I enjoy bubble tea, but having it only once, I shall not yet declare my love for it
- He is a big fan of Jesus. As am I, as am I.
- I love music.
- The Beatles
- I love mountains, hiking and swimming too.
- I hate drugs too, obv. not over the same circumstances
- He likes dogs
- I like at least 75% of the music on the list on his myspace
- The History Channel and the Discovery Channel are the only things I watch (besides House)
- I enjoy clif bars, reeses, and vitamin water. And fruit roll-ups.
- I'm a This Providence fan.
There you have it, why we would be such excellent friends.
I'm such a loser. ;)
Mason Musso right now, fo' realz foo'. =]
Speaking of Metro Station (sort of, kind of) my cousin said that Blake was the only one who had so far shown the ability to grow a beard. [Basically because I pointed him out to her because he's awesome.] Love it.
LAWLZ. Seeing Cobra Starship made me love them so much more. It was excellent. I forgot my camera though, so I don't have any pictures. And I didn't get to see anyone, or take obnoxious pictures with them on my phone. But overall, dancing my ass off and shouting/singing to Metro Station and Cobra Starship was wicked spectacular.
I don't think enough people danced. It annoys me way too much, but even when Trace (I'm pretty sure it was Trace not Mason) said "This song is made for dance clubs so let's make this one" or something to that effect, not everyone was moving. I mean, I suck at dancing, but the music is killer for it. =P
Oh, and:
Next time I go to Boston, I want to see more sights.
This is what I now own:
I'm too lazy to take a picture of the shirt I got.
I think I can't not enjoy youth. Sadly, it was a little weird today, because Jess wasn't there, and Kainoa was out. But Kara, JP, Cindy and I went to Starbucks, where we discussed faith and the book I'm reading, among other things. We didn't want to stay at the church, which is why we went to Starbucks. I wish there was one a little closer to home, but it's alright.
The book I'm reading right now is good. It's called The Last Season and it's really quite excellent, although I haven't finished it yet. It's rather sad though.
I was thinking about it today, and I haven't cried in a really long time. For me, anyways. At least, I can't remember having cried (like really cried) in quite a while. Weird. I get to like a breaking point, and then I get a weekend it seems. This next week is going to be tolling though. In the next 3 days, I have 3 swim meets. And then on Wednesday next week, exams start.
I'm a little worried, but I figure it will all work out.
I have decided that I enjoy the Decemberists quite thoroughly. They have grown on me. I only have the Crane Wife though, I don't know any of their older stuff.
But I suppose any band that is almost named after a Russian revolution (Decembrist not Decemberist) should be halfway decent. In honor of that, if I ever have a band I shall name us the Mensheviks. Just kiddinggg.
[edit: I suppose that truly to name my band after the revolution I would have to name it the Bolsheviks, but I'd rather be sort of obscure. I had definitely heard of the Bolsheviks before taking Modern Euro, but the Mensheviks? Not so much.]
Oh yeah, today my brother was doing work on his history class or something and he asked me if I had gotten my research paper back (no) and I asked him if he had gotten his (mini) one back (no) and what it was on (Francis Ferdinand). And so I ask him exactly what about Francis Ferdinand, and say just about all I know about the guy being like, so it basically said this?
I'm still not sure exactly what it was but my brother was like "How did you know that? I didn't know anything about him before I picked the topic..." Turns out, my brother would have known about Francis Ferdinand if the school had not reformed the middle school social studies curriculum. Oh I hate administration.
Then I tried to talk about WWI and my brother told me to shut up but much more nicely. And then he called history stupid. I tried to explain why history wasn't stupid (those who do not know the past are doomed to repeat it and so forth) but he didn't get it and I gave up.
Actually, this all started because my brother is learning about WWII and mentioned Operation Sea Lion... His live gamertag is asealion, and he was like "I wonder if people who know about it think I'm a nazi"... I voted for no, but who knows.
haha.
I think I'm going to work on getting back into the habit of writing a little every day. It really tends to help me sort out my emotions I think, and lately I've been pissy and awful to my parents for really no reason. And I feel bad but I'm just angry, so I don't feel bad until I think about it later. It's annoying.
I hate school work, and I just want this semester to be over. And it isn't really about not liking the classes, I just want to sleep. When I'm just going to hang out on the computer I probably should just go to bed. I need to work on sleeping more too. Seriously, 5-6 hours a night isn't cutting it. I never fall asleep before 11 I'm sure, and then my alarm goes off at 5:30, and I hit snooze until it's 6 and I need to get up. That's how it is.
Late new years resolutions I suppose. Better late than never, for this anyway. For most things... just don't bother at all.
I don't know if I really like them. They're decent I suppose. I'm supposed to be doing notes for Modern Euro. Oh well. It's almost over, thankfully. =| I was in such a bad mood this morning, I'm pretty sure I glared/threw a dirty look at the car behind my dad's when he dropped me off at school. I was just so pissed off to be there. =/ The day wasn't too bad, relatively.
I went snowboarding this weekend, it was good. Lindsey came up to Pico with us, so that was fun. The snow was pretty good, well-groomed certainly. The upper mountain was decent too, sometimes it's all ice (though it was getting that way-so i heard). =]
--------------------
and so we fall from the sky
wishing that we never cried
everything is failing
but we know where we are
and so i smile
and speak the truth
i've never known what to do
wishing on stars, hoping for a clue
memories, oh i wish you knew
every day is something new
i've found happiness is fleeting
and love is rarely true
someday we will laugh at ourselves
wondering what we thought we knew
but not wishing to change a thing
these are the thoughts the new year brings
quite alright. Despite the fact that this is being posted at an hour which usually has me writing shitty depressing poems about crap that doesn't matter. I hate modern euro, still though.
My swim meet today was excellent, though! Even though I feel like I was trampled by some raging hippogriffs ;) my times were back where they should be! We lost by a point though. :( Oh well, better luck next time. Hopefully we'll get our swim team sweatpants in tomorrow, I'm so excited for them. =]
Back to school.
Man, it sucks. h8 it.
But seriously, there are 8 days 'till exams.
What gives?
So how about I'm going to fail my Modern Euro exam.
Modern Euro makes me angry.
But after exams, Cobra Starship will save me (but not my soul).
i'm so br00+41, or rather, not at all. Zeros look like crap in this font.
How close is close enough?
I think I could listen to Taking Back Sunday for at least a month without getting sick of it. Maybe not.
----honestly, I sort of hate this.
And So The World Ended
We hide behind tired lies
Faces guarded behind tired eyes.
Every move a calculation
We know what we are facing.
There are clouds drifting through the sky,
Silently threatening rain.
Darkening the day
We fall with the rain.
Watch silently, the scripted actions.
Find the plot,
Each character with a name
A feeling you can’t explain.
Beyond knowing what is right and wrong
Feel the melody not the song
Every note drifts higher
Every note drifts lower.
We fall with the rain.
Ruins of a nation hold.
We live in desperation
There is no happy here.
Things so strained
How to explain
That things are not the same
We fall with the rain.
Hiding behind tired lies,
Faces guarded behind tired eyes
Clouds drift through the sky,
You feel sad, but don’t know why.
Silence in the words
And every verse a chord
Like drops falling down
We fall to the sound
And so the story goes
There was a great nation
And then the rain fell down
Find who survived.
We hide behind tired lies
Faces guarded behind tired eyes,
Clouds drift slowly by,
You feel sad, but you know why.
You feel sad. Do you know why?
You feel sad. Do you know why?
You feel sad. The clouds don’t lie.
You feel sad. We say good-bye.
