i think i see another dead end
watch the world collapse right ahead
let's just jump ship
and leave town
no one will notice that
we're not around
back to the beginning
and we'll just start again
take a right where we went left
promise to not ever make sense
so it's loving and leaving
for another round
remember the secrets
remember the sound
the sun was blinding
the stars were so bright
the moon was a sliver
in the blue sky
it is beyond comprehension we forgive and forget
remember the letters
and words in our heads
the world is collapsing it's another relapse
this cancer's contagious
and just look at the aftermath
the war is over--no one has won
try to herd us back to the beaten path
like shepherding lost sheep
but we're anything but
maybe we don't know we're were going
but we'll know when we get there
and the words rearrange
to the lies that make sense
to the world to the ones that want to know
but it's another dead end
time to jump ship and start again
the observations are more like assumptions
the path that's set is what's meant to follow
there's no fun in that
it's a path to the end of your life
the world is spinning
my hand's are clenched - knuckles white
if this is what life's supposed to be like
please let me off this ride
it's not so much my stomach
but my head's making me sick
this is just another trick
it's something that can be expected
subconscious persuasion
because that will work so well
it's mass media not individualism
that's killing society
we're killing society
it's not the lies we're spreading
it's the truths we're all telling
the meaning isn't holding up
illogical and logical
lets separate the facts
it's not over understanding
just over fixing up
we'll learn that sometimes
our best isn't enough
it looks like another dead end
the world is collapsing up ahead
let's go ahead jump ship and leave this town
no one will notice us not around
we'll just start again
take a right we're we went left
second chances are never done with
and sometime the where we want to go
will be where we end up

helpful devil

the fact is
i'm just wasting my time
waiting for something
to go right in my life

the memories blur as i black out
look into your eyes and i pass out
i guess you're gonna take me home again
and wait again

this time it's nothing more than wishful thinking
why let me out
it's just a bad excuse that you're mistaken
another night that will never be remembered

time and time again
we watch the world pass by
you let me try to drink my sorrow away
and then hold me when i cry
(i never was a happy drunk)

you watch the pain recede
the inhibitions fade
and take advantage of me
after all i'll never remember again

the memories blur as i black out
look into your eyes and i pass out
another night of drinking to an end
another night to be written off again

make sure you look youthful
but not underage
i know you're just hoping
for someone to take you away

it's a miserable feeling looking at me
wasting my life away
(wasting my life away)
ever so helpful finding the bars
paying the tabs
what is it that's wrong with this

the memories blur as i black out
look into your eyes as i pass out
another night of drinking to an end
another night to be written off again

it never was i'm sorry
it's when do you want to go out
leading me to destruction
it's a pity you didn't plan so far ahead

the memories blur as i black out
look into your eyes as i pass out
another night of drinking to an end
another night to be written off again

another night of drinking to an end
to an end
to an end
again

heartbreak of the worst kind

it was always you and your arrogance
oh what best friends
there was never any room for me
i wish i could have seen that was true

but you kept me around
just to push me around
and you watched me fall
just to help me up from the ground

i missed all the phrases you'd say
and i stayed around
hoping i'd hear them someday
once again

i said i was wrong when
i knew i was right
i never wanted a fight
because i knew what would come
the anger and screaming
the pushing the needing
the hating the berating
all for what i knew was the truth

you kept me around
just to push me around
you'd watch me fall down
just to pick me up from the ground

i never got sick of your lips
or sick of your eyes
sick of your hair
but i got sick of your lies

it was over and over
those words i once loved
i still loved i still loved
it shouldn't have been
so difficult to see
that maybe i loved you
but you never loved me

and i watched what i said
for the longest of times
before i thought you'd accept
what i knew was right
and i talked my way into
the final fight that we had
figured out all those phrases
i now knew were lies
and i fell in love again
with your rage-filled eyes

you kept me around
just to push me around
you watched me fall down
just to pick me up from the ground

well it was too late for good-byes
and to sad for tears
it was too much for drinking
the reality stayed there
i put too much effort
into a waste of my life
made stupid excuses
for your waste of a life
and we all make our choices
i certainly made mine
but i know that you never
should have had a place in my life

you kept me around
just to push me around
you'd watch me fall down
just to pick me up from the ground

i don't wanted to be kept around
just to be pushed around
or picked up from the ground
by the person who kicked me down

well i'm leaving you know
and i'm pushing you down
i won't stay to see you fall
i won't pick you up from the ground
yeah you can cry out
but it's not worth it know
since figuring out
i know that you're nothing but lies



...:::///|||\\\:::...

remind me never to sleep again

comforting reassuring

it's the same words once again
spilling from your lips
and i'll drink them in
i want to believe
i want to believe you tell the truth

oh but i know
i know you're wrong
but as the story goes
you'd give the world to keep me here
as long as i never stray
and then i'm gone
before i can say a word

comforting reassuring
its the same lies
drink it in drink it down
this world will let me down
or maybe just you

i've cried the same tears before
you know it you know it
you've said the same words before
i know it i know it
but i hang on

give me back what i've lost
the memory of days forgotten
times that no longer are seen
times i no longer believe
you've stolen everything good in life

comforting reassuring
the same old sad story
spilling from your lips
drink it in drink it down
you're just gonna let me down
i know, i know, i know

Want v. Need

well you want what you want
and i want what i need
in the end though
does it matter who bleeds

but you take happiness
and twist it around
stomp on people's laughter
throw them to the ground

to watch you is to have
all the misery of knowing
nothing in life is worth
giving you all that you want

but you get it
and you'll get it
but you don't deserve it
you don't deserve anything

beyond the tears you cry
looking for sweet empathy
manipulating what you want
into what you need

maybe it's not money that
you'll be looking for
keep telling you lies
keep wasting your time

but you take happiness
and twist it around
stomp on people's smiles
and throw them to the ground

but it's all that you want
and you won't admit it
you pretend and pretend
but you'll never be complete

I've realized

that I really connect with music I can relate to.
There's music I like,
But there's also music is LOVE.
And that difference means so much,
to how I can connect to the music,
how I listen, and feel.
That music I love can fix a horrible day.
But sometimes, it's so tough to find it.
Sometimes it's so hard to find the
right music for the right moment.
But I try. I'm trying.

inconsistencies

can I make another promise
that I'll break, as soon as I can.
'cause that's the plan

perceive the inconsistencies
of all that I have to say
it's always been that way
just never noticed

beyond that horizon over there
is somewhere without a care
somewhere that calls to me

so I'll say what I have to
and then disregard
anything I've said before
just because it's understood
that everything means nothing to me

somethinggg

I want something sweet and sincere. Something I can hold near and remember those times that I never want to forget. And in the end, this will be meaningless and probably the memories of a fight if anything else. But for a while, for a moment, the memories will be crisp and clean without wrinkles or stains. Unlike so much these days. Everything is so dirty. I just want that moment of clarity. A moment of meaning. When I feel like I deserve to live and not to die. When I deserve to be on this earth. And it's all relative. But I just want something to make me content, not forever, but just for a little while at least. Something that, for a time, will give life meaning. And maybe it won't happen and is a silly little hope. But I can hope, and I will.

ehm. idk.

i can tell you that those words
were as unexpected as a car crash
with a drunkard at the wheel
that's always how it feels
whenever you decide to tell me
what you think i need to hear
it's always what i expect you to say
that's never changed
it's monotonous and innocent
you never seem to notice
but whenever you start talking
i feel like sliting my own throat

just to get away from you.
it's always the same words
different phrases different ways
you never know what to say
there's nothing to say

it's gone on for so long
and i've tolerated it
but these talks have got to end
and i'm sick of this
so just walk away find someone else
to preach to
your words have no meaning
and i've heard it again and again
it's unpredictable and terribly old
so darling just do as your told
shut up, turn your back, and leave-
walk away from me

save this!

i'm gonna throw myself headfirst
into this - to see if i sink or swim
if what you say is true;
please don't let me drown

we're so fucked up

i miss the simple times
when there wasn't too much homework
and you didn't have to stress over stuff
like i have to have two examples
for each of the 24 requirements of
a portfolio i need to graduate.
the portfolio basically has no
practical use. so i want to go to
college for say, pre-med and what
can i hand them? a sample of
poetry. yeah that's such a useful item
to have. i dislike our school board
and most of the people in my town as
they are ignorant and cannot make
good decisions, or refuse to.
it's horrible though, because
America's future is going to be in
my generations hands at one point
and if we're not well educated,
well, let's just say it's not going
to be pretty. If everything goes
well, we'll be coming into a mess
in the middle east or the end of it.
If everything goes better than
well, then my generation shouldn't
even have to deal with the aftermath
to Iraq. But with Bush in there for
another 2 years and who knows
coming in next, it's not looking good.
I decided that I'm going to write a book.
About how society is ignorant of most
things, and the only way to abolish
this ignorance is to...I haven't got
that far yet. Too many things wouldn't
work. It'll be good though.
Look for it.

i can't write anything not at the spur of the moment anymore. no taking out my notebook just scribbling on random paper or pulling up my blog. my notebook will never be full because of it. the other one was filled with angst. i guess it helped. or i would be able to still feel it. it doesn't hurt to read what i used to write but it makes me wish i could still write like that. even if it isn't the best work. but i suppose i should be happy and i am. i mean i really try to be. and i'm not depressed unless i let myself dwell on my thoughts and the past and the now. so really, i'm just better not thinking at all, or about trivial things. its frustrating.

i dont want to get old [ever]

and can we tell when it all falls down
when the lies fade into truth
and when the skies begin to blur
in tales of forgotten youth
and if we know all that we've known
forever, can we prevent
the failing of all the knowledge
that our whole life went un-spent
and if we forget the dates
and all the tales we told
can we not also forget to live
as we grow old

car crashhh

sometimes i feel like a car crash waiting to happen
all i need is a stoplight to go racing through

=0

the fonts on the post below weren't cooperating. and probably not in this one eitherrr. =0

tbs [taking back sunday]

we're gonna die like this you know
miserable and old

yeah they're so mainstream now but no one listens anymore so it's alright the lyrics are completely awesome

intro to stats

another teenage heartthrob
another teenage lost cause
what is wrong with the world?
something's wrong with all these boys and girls
can we help it? the world's so messed up
adults so stressed up-
can we say what's wrong
can we know what's going on
the problem's in us
the problem's with us
we can't stop
going forward-going forward
never backwards-opening new doors


unfinished. wrote it in class.

i dont know

dont remind me of
all the things
that i wish
i could be
what once was
is not now
what once was
is impossible to take back
what was said i regret
what was done i forget
you and i
changed that day
i never see you anymore

all alone
on a street corner
you wait by the buildings
and you stay and you stay
while the night gets dark
and you're walking away

i arrive
much too late
no explanations
can change fate
and i lose all i've lost
to this day
i've never regained
what i've done

and it's regret
not joy that fills these eyes
with tears tonight
on the anniversary of all that once was
all that i've done wrong

you used to smile
used to forgive
everything i ever did
and i know i wasn't nice
mean but fragile would suffice
not broken but still cracked
life is like that

you waited all alone
on that street corner that night
by the buildings
you stayed and stayed
as it grew dark
and then you walked away

i arrived much too late
to save you from that fate
and i lost all i had
to this day never regained
and all i can say is sorry
and that i regret the mistakes
that took you away from me


so that's that
not much more to say i suppose
later i'm gonna post something i wrote in class
it's not finished because the teacher started
saying something that i probably didn't need
to listen to but did.
i can't help but wonder if what i write
is like the taking back sunday lyrics i was listening too:
"those words at best
were worse than teenage poetry
fragment ideas
and too many pronouns"

i am

a mess
and i should be sleeping
sleeping off the sadness
sleeping off the waste of my life
yeah that's right.
it's all true.
it's all very very true.
i just wish i knew
someone who could tell it.
but there's no truth left
no truth to the lies
no truth to this life
walking contradiction
wish i knew what that was
wish i knew who i was
who i am. i dont care.
who could care now
i'm a mess now
mess

something or other

race of your life
time races races races
faster faster than we can keep up
than we can keep up
we're slowing down slowing down
and so out of breath
(when will we catch our breath?)
no respite from the feeling
no respite from the emotion
it's all going down the drain
we're all going down the drain
back to the drawing board
we remember what once was
what it is now can we tell
how can we tell
time races faster faster
we can't keep up
we can't keep up the pace
we need a pacer
not another racer to pass us up
we're losing ground
slower and slower till
we're underground
no longer out of breath
we can finally rest
but it's not for us
death ignores us
so we race race race
'till our dooming final day
'till that gloomy final day
may we find respite



hmm...idk if it's any good, but it feels good to be writing again.
i feel like crap
not physically though.
the speakers on my computer have gone awol.
well actually the sound has.
headphones won't work either.
i have no idea what the cause of this phenomenon is.
[nothing is muted thankyouverymuch]
though i'm a little worried that itunes is involved.
either way. unhappy. no music.
the song i love that i put on my myspace won't play.
itunes wont open. (i exited it earlier because it was being stupid)
carlos mencia is ridiculously funny.

confused

I feel so strange. And detached. I went on a run today, and I didn't feel like going my normal route. So I took a right where normally I would take a left, and got somewhat lost. I ran for an hour and 2 minutes. I had some aches at the beginning and at 30 minutes when my legs thought I was done, but other than that...nothing. salkhjgd I don't know how to explain what I want to say. It's killing me. Not literally thank god. But it's just this feeling as if something has gone wrong. Something is not right. I am not right. It cannot be helped however. And I can't find the right music to help me feel better or more like me. I'm not happy, sad, apathetic or any emotion. Well...not an emotion I can think of. Unless confused counts, but I think that's more of a state of mind. I don't know. I don't like not knowing. I like facts and clean cuts. My run today was good because it was a break from that. I don't like knowing where I'm running or how long it is or how long it should take because that knowledge sucks. HATE HATE HATE. That's an answer to that. Not what I'm feeling but what I feel of knowing how long something should take and then being slower. RAGE RAGE RAGE. That's the answer. ANGER ANGER. Coursing through my veins wanting to be let out. Wanting to destroy. BREAK BREAK BREAK something beautiful. Like fight club. My favorite book. AWESOME. anger anger anger...consuming me. I don't express my anger a lot. I think I have a lot of pent up rage, but...I could be wrong. I'm no psychiatrist or psychologist. I want to punch my keyboard to bits. Gone. Now.

bright eyes = <3

Emotion
I'm back here again.
To say what I've said
A million times before,
It's not you, it's me-
Oh who am I kidding?
I lose all of the feeling,
All of my nerve
I fall down the stairs
And crash into the wall
Punch through the pavement
I don't think I can walk
Far enough away
To forget all I've done
To forget it-forget it
'Cause I've missed what I've had
But I've felt no regret
There are so many stories
But not one is sincerely true
And every day I remember
Everything I thought
That it would last forever
That we never would stop
And I go and ruin things
Again and again
Like there's nothing to it
I repeat the same words
As the melodies collide
I have no feeling, no love, no lies.
I don't feel the tears I see in your eyes
I'm nothing, nothing.
I leave not knowing,
Where I'm gonna go
Without any sense of perspective.
And I lose all my feeling
Lose all my nerve
Fall down the stairs
And crash into the wall
Punch through the pavement
And try to find what I'm looking for.



...:::///|||\\\:::...

A little Bright Eyes inspired, I don't know if you can tell. Bright Eyes is wonderful. It doesn't make me happy, but it doesn't make me sad either. =/ Whatever that means. I'm a little depressed I suppose. But nothing major. I went surfing today, the waves would have been good but the wind was onshore and it was pretty choppy. Unfortunately. But otherwise it was fun. =]

fight club

is now my favorite book. ever. i just really connected with all of it. it amazed me. tyler durden is my hero. i don't really like to fight. i'm not a person who gets into fights. but i can understand the need to destroy. i would like to destroy people sometimes. sometimes i would like to be beaten up. the book just makes so much sense to me.

again

I'm watching my feelings walk away
They said goodbye They say goodbye
I'm done with all the drama
I'm sick of all the lies
Pass down another sunset
Pass out onto my bed
Wake up to hear the birds chirp
Melodies in my head
Step out and watch the sun rise
Step out and watch the clouds come
Another day has begun again
Again again
Wish away the lifetimes
They all were too much
It all was too much to remember
I never remembered all the words
You said in each verse
Trying to make me stay back there
With you
And I got lost in an alleyway
Trying to get home
I never found the way that night
I trace the clouds in the sky
As secrets that might hide
The answers that I really want to know
That I really want to know
Pass down another sunset
Pass out onto my bed
Wake up with the sunrise
Wake up to see sunny skies again
Again again.

mooddd

I need something to do. So I would write but it requires leaving my computer. So I'm doing this. I went to the beach today for the first time in foreverrr. It was pretty fun. I'm making a playlist on itunes for my mood instead.

positive to negative

So...I haven't blogged in forever. For the past 26/27 days I've been up in Maine at a camp. Without computer access or my music. It was heartbreaking. But I traveled the Allagash River and completed the Mud Pond Carry as part of the first group from Camp Wavus (for Girls).
It was definetely one of the best experiences of my rather short life. I am no longer afraid of the outdoors and want to come back as a counsuler for sure. I did acquire a healthy fear of moose though, as we saw 24.
On our last day we rafted down the East Branch of the Penobscot which was incredibly fun (class 4 + 5 rapids).
It was just an overall amazing experience and though I'm happy to be home I miss my cabin incredibly and just being at camp. It was a 15 day trip so we were away for the longest of the whole camp (we were also the oldest). 24/7 for 15 days with my counsulers and my cabin made us majorly close.
I didn't really have a lot of time to write at all. So no poems or anything. If it's possible I was a lot more happy at camp then I am now. I just have so much time to dwell on everything that it's really killing my mood. =[
So I'm blogging because I want to talk to someone I know but am not wicked good friends with and I'm bad with words so I won't because I'll say something wrong and mess up what is and feel worse.
Agh. I'm a mess. I thought I was better than this. And I'm not. I'm slowly killing off all the good in my life. I don't know why. WHY?

Sarah -- [adjective]: Pretentiously academian 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

surprisingly I think that's actually rather accurate...;]

i think i like it

Questions

Tell me that we'll chase across the sky
For the day that we will never lie
Something always hurts
But together we'll find the questions to our answers

We can't promise nothing will hurt
Or that a dog won't die at
The end of our story
But we can hope to find
What we're looking for

Hold my hand
Don't tell me that I'm wrong
You know we keep
Our hopes close to the surface
Wishing our lives away

Make me a memory
You keep by your side
That you'll look at the clouds
And see a day that passed by

And we search for the questions to our answers
In the sky full of stars
As we lay in the dark
Waiting for a spaceship in the hope
That someone somewhere wants us for us

Maybe we'll be ubducted
By aliens so futuristic and green
What a scene-what a scene
It would be, as we come back
Spouting off nonsense-no one would believe
But we would know better.

We can't promise that nothing will hurt,
Or that a dog won't die
At the end of our story
But we can hope to find
What we're looking for

Tell me we'll chase across the sky
For the day we will never lie
Something always goes wrong
But someday we'll find the questions to our answers
We can hope
We can hope



i think i like it

off topic

Can someone please tell me that I mean something? That maybe, I'm not as useless as I feel so much. That sometimes, I make people smile and they care about me...I just feel like a waste today. Just completely useless. Depressed I guess. I had ccd, which is always a bundle of joy. Of course. So I have to start going to church every week in June. Which completely sucks, because pretty much I'm the least religious person I know (except for a few atheists)...I mean, I barely believe in God. How catholic is that? Religions are just a way to make people feel like there's a reason that they're here. And sure, higher power and what not would be interesting in theory. But frankly, I don't like worshipping someone I've never met. And then I wouldn't want to worship them, because they'd probably be disappointing in person. Wow, I suck at being any bit religious. I'm going to hell. Haha. Yeah, so maybe since I'm getting confirmed next year, I'll somehow find the importance of God and Jesus and a religion in my life. Maybe. I doubt it.

apparently i'm radioactive

> WARNING

Sarah J is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

it looked better in color.

i can't really say

I think I just want to mess something up really bad. I don't know why, but destruction seems absolutely beautiful to me right now. Just to see something shatter into tiny little pieces too small to reconfigure into the original shape, too small to know what the object was. It sounds wonderful right now. It would look amazing and sound destructive and I would feel better and everything would be better. Just a little destruction. Just a little chaos. I just want to fuck something up. I couldn't say why.




So the show tonight (which was for charity) was shutdown because of some idiotic fire code. So that wasn't fun. But I bought a sweet Verbana Darvell t-shirt. So it's a little compensating, but I don't know the name of the last band that played (they got to finish their set before we had to clear out). And I liked them too. Oh well.

neww

So I managed to basically totally change how my blog looks. It's kind of messy, but I'm not wonderful at html and basically just changed the links to my own pictures. Which I made on paint (gotta love that program). Anyway, that's about it. =]

eh...

...and sometimes I think about one person for hours, just because of one line taken in a certain context means something to me. And I hate making something out of nothing cause I'm setting myself up for a fall. I'm finding it hard to ignore, but I don't want to be wrong. As unlikely as what I want might be. So I'm pretty, confused I guess, depressed perhaps, in a sense. Life is just so bland these days, and I'm no less than apathetic. So maybe I'm not helping in things, but neither is anything else. I can barely stand the people I'm forced into contact with every day through a wonderful thing called school [note the sarcasm]. Certainly, there are people who I don't mind, quite a few in fact, but everyone else? They grate on my nerves. And then there are people I wouldn't mind seeing but never do, and haven't in a while. Including the person who's on my mind. But I was never rational anyway. So why should I start?


Common courtesy
don't ask, don't tell.
The lies you say
Are the secrets we sell.
And it makes no difference
Whether you find out.
You'll never close your mouth,
You'll always shout it out.
It's not like it's true.
No one cares, but you.
You're being used.
But we don't abuse it,
The privilege of a million lies,
Worth more than a diamond mine or two.
Worth less than what they're worth to you.

So I was a little bored. As I just wrote that. I don't have homework. So I don't really care.

-Sarah J

if looks could kill you'd be a murderer

quizzes!

so incredibly bored! so this is what i'm doing: quizzes.

You Should Be a Song Writer

You have the ability to evoke emotion, tell a story, and hook someone... In a very small amount of words, perhaps with some deft rhyming. Even if you can't write music, you can sure write compelling lyrics. Lyrics so good, people will have them stuck in their heads!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

You Belong in Paris

You enjoy all that life has to offer, and you can appreciate the fine tastes and sites of Paris. You're the perfect person to wander the streets of Paris aimlessly, enjoying architecture and a crepe.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing. That doesn't mean you don't rock out... You just rock out with meaning. For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I dunno, press the button and find out."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?


So that's enough for now. =] It was fun.

what i just wrote.

it doesn't even have a name 'kay? But here it goes:

So I'm filled
with regrets
and a little
depressed I've
got life on
my mind again
I've got my
shredded heart
thinking that I'll
never love again
'Cause nothing could
compare, no
nothing could
come near you.
And I laugh at
myself 'cause I
am a waste of
wasted space and
I can't keep
my mind on what
I'm supposed
to be thinking
My broken hearts
Aching I feel
like sinking into
nothing. And
all because
I saw you again.

Now imagine that, spelling, line structure and all, written messily on a one and a half inch wide space of paper, and you get what it looked like.

my words

This is what I liked out of the poem I wrote today
What it started out of:

I bid you adieu
As you put on your shoes
Another night of bliss
We've got to stop meeting like this.
But with your kiss
Lingering on my lips,
I can't say I mind.

It kind of went on for some more, but thats what I liked of it. It got into my head this morning so I wrote it down. I have to say that I do like it. =]

And this is the quote I found today that I now LOVE:

Age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

So today was good, and I don't have any homework this weekend, so life is good as well. And I have someone on my mind, but I'm not sure why.

I wish you well in your endeavors.

Sarah J<3

and today is...

no regrets or mistakes
only words i can't fake

I have a bio project, that I should be doing but I'm not. Nothing is going on at all. I went on a run today. Yippee. That's about it.

my hope is on vacation
maybe hawaii, the bahamas, or jamaica.
i'm sure it'll have a nice time
without me on it's mind.

so I'm extraordinarily bored. That's what it comes down to. And I'm just not doing what I should be doing. But I think I'll manage.

-Sarah J<3

argh...

I was looking at what I posted...and the spacing is crap. Whatever I don't have time to fix it. :/

what the hell?

I don't really have anything to say. I was just looking at my blog because....um I don't know So anyway I decided to post something....

I'm learning how to juggle! Which is one of the only entertaining things in my life, but it's fun. It's like 10:40 (pm) and I'm kind of tired because I've been up since 5:40 this morning, and I kind of want to sleep but obviously I'm typing instead. My school vacation starts next week which is pretty awesome. Only 4 days since Good Friday exists. I'm hoping my teachers don't give a lot of homework. I know in Italian we're watching a movie the last 2 days, but I'm suring we're not doing that in Bio. My Math teacher is nice, but we're going to do work in that too probably. Jazz band nothing's going to happen in though.

So I have CCD, 'cause I'm Catholic right? So we're watching a movie in it and our classes are 1 1/2 hours long. The movie is called Jesus, and has to be the longest movie I have ever seen, we've watched it for at least 2 1/2 hours and we just saw the last supper. Granted there isn't a ton left but still, there's something wrong with that. Plus, my next class is wicked far away so I probably won't even know what's going on.
I'm trying to convince my friend Micheala to wear her 'love can't save you' hoodie (w/'only my
new powers can' on the back [Pete Wentz has it I guess or made it or something, whatever]
from clandestine industries [www.clandestineindustries.com]) to CCD. She's scared too
because she thinks it'll make our CCD teacher mad...and since she controls whether we get
confirmed shes scared. Well not scared, more like scared of the reaction. We have an ongoing
joke about it.
So anyway, we're bringing alien and sonny moore cookies to our next CCD class to eat. [Don't ask how we came up with that one] Just for us too, not the rest of our class. They probably don't even know who Sonny Moore is, but that's besides the point. So that sums up about all I have to say about CCD.

...I just managed to write more than I ever thought I could about CCD and now I think I'm going to go to bed because clearly my sleep deficiancy has addled my brain more than it should. :)

-Sarah J<3

so yeah.

I Don't Fear You

Don't tell me. Don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
Let me believe my fantasy.
I know that it's all for show.

Who's lies are these
That you hold near?
It is not you
That hold's my fear...

You don't scare me,
No. no. no.
You don't scare me,
No. no. no.

Give me the answer,
Don't tell me those lies,
Now tell me those secrets
I don't want a surprise.

No I don't.

Who do you think you are
Up against, my friend?
No, no, no. I don't pretend;
About things like these.

Here let me put you at ease,
I couldn't care,
What you could say,
You're not what I fear.

You don't scare me.
No, no, no.
You don't scare me.
No, no, no.

You don't scare me,
And what does
You'll never know.

_______

Boredddd. x23420395
But not much I can do.
New Englands tomorrow.
Still hasn't sunk into my brain,
That I'm actually going.
But that's how I am.
Later everyone.


Sarah J <3

...

so i could write half-way decently before.
what a surprise. but no.

your eyes aren't half-alive as they were before
maybe you shouldn't drink anymore

so life's good now...
as far as i can tell
+ everything is going pretty well
...as well as can be expected

and everything i have
isn't too much less
than everything i want
and you couldn't exactly say
that my life is a mess...

math is good
because my teacher hasn't been here
so i listen to music
because the people who sub
are nice

-sarah j<3

stuff

poems from my old blog. [fonts are messed up x389345]

Catch the Trouble
It's too blue,
Trust me,
It's too much for you.
Sudden disappointment,
Downfall of dreams.
Uncontrollably happens,
Falling down
And losing ground.
Easy.
Pick yourself up,
Start down your path,
Once again.
Never mind the trouble
That's all around,
'Cause it's too blue,
Too blue for you.

Now
Fashion disaster
Front-page news
Unsaid words
Hidden clues
Guessing game
Pick and choose
Listen to
Win and lose

whatever works

So today's the day before vacation. Which is pretty awesome. Except for the fact that I probably won't be able to swim until two weeks from now. Which is really crappy. But vacation is good. So it could be worse I suppose. Everything's going pretty well. No fake drama to make people's lives more interesting, which is always good. Things could be better, but I'm just hoping my collarbone heals alright. <3


Nothing is Forever
Can't chase away the rain
Can't take away the pain
Is there anything that I could do
Do just get out of your game?
It's too much to say it hurts
Not enough for it to kill
But I really know now that
I could not understand
Anything you plan to do
It's raining and pouring
But not outside
Your angry. Your storming.
Everything's a lie.
To you.
You believe what you hear
But not what you know.
You keep everything
And never let go.
You never let go.
Never let go.
Well I'm letting go of you.
I can't chase away the rain
I can't take away this pain
But I can leave your game
I'm letting go of you
I don't care if you want me too.
You will never understand
The things I do.
You believe all you hear
You keep everything near
You muffle the noise
And deaden the pain
You're smothering me down
And I can't just stand around
It's too much to hurt
But not enough to kill
I must be getting ill
-it's a sickness.
You never let go.
Never let go.
Need to let go.
Let go of me.

...:::///|||\\\:::...

Sarah J♥

good-bye

Why won't you reason with me?

Your voice feels freezing to me.
I can't stand this fight any longer.
Go home. It's all a farewell.
You're right. You're wrong.
I don't care if it's true,
I cannot stand you anymore.

Lovely weather we're having,
Why can't we just talk?
Remember us laughing?
Those times are long gone.
Your anger is confusing me,
What did I do wrong?

So long, it's all a farewell.
I don't know what's true,
But I can't stand you
Anymore.

...:::///|||\\\:::...

something old.

(c) sarah j 2006

fake people

Everyone says that they "hate fake people" on their myspaces or whatever they have. And all the people that say that are the people who are about the fakest you know. It's really ridiculous. I mean, people who are fake are only fake because they are too insecure with themselves to be who they really are. Why should you hate someone who's just a little too selfconscious? Wouldn't it make them feel worse? I think so, but I guess I could be wrong. I don't choose to hate fake people I guess. I don't really choose to hate anyone. If they hate me then I don't like them that much. But I don't hate people without knowing them. Like some people.

And high school is a joke. Seriously, the people I know create so much drama in their lives that it's a laugh. I just don't see why half of the stuff matters to them. And people talk behind other people's backs and pretend to be friends. But they're worse enemies then the people who fight all the time. And isn't that the same as being fake?

I don't understand any of it at all.

-Sarah J

...:::///|||\\\:::...

finals

So exams are coming up right? And I'm exempt from 2 of them: English (thank god) and Conceptual Physics (I'm pretty sure). So these are my first two classes so their exams are on Friday, which means I don't have to go in. But I have to go in on Monday because my 3rd and 4th block teachers aren't exempting. Which kind of sucks. But whatever. And I'm really bored which is why I'm posting.
I don't really know what I'm going to do next semester. I have Bio 1 and Algebra 2 (both honors), and Italian...on the brightside though I have a study hall which I didn't have this semester. I'm lucky to be exempt though now cause next year I don't think I'm going to be able to be exempt. Oh, well.

what does this do?

Sarah J