positive to negative

So...I haven't blogged in forever. For the past 26/27 days I've been up in Maine at a camp. Without computer access or my music. It was heartbreaking. But I traveled the Allagash River and completed the Mud Pond Carry as part of the first group from Camp Wavus (for Girls).
It was definetely one of the best experiences of my rather short life. I am no longer afraid of the outdoors and want to come back as a counsuler for sure. I did acquire a healthy fear of moose though, as we saw 24.
On our last day we rafted down the East Branch of the Penobscot which was incredibly fun (class 4 + 5 rapids).
It was just an overall amazing experience and though I'm happy to be home I miss my cabin incredibly and just being at camp. It was a 15 day trip so we were away for the longest of the whole camp (we were also the oldest). 24/7 for 15 days with my counsulers and my cabin made us majorly close.
I didn't really have a lot of time to write at all. So no poems or anything. If it's possible I was a lot more happy at camp then I am now. I just have so much time to dwell on everything that it's really killing my mood. =[
So I'm blogging because I want to talk to someone I know but am not wicked good friends with and I'm bad with words so I won't because I'll say something wrong and mess up what is and feel worse.
Agh. I'm a mess. I thought I was better than this. And I'm not. I'm slowly killing off all the good in my life. I don't know why. WHY?