i can't write anything not at the spur of the moment anymore. no taking out my notebook just scribbling on random paper or pulling up my blog. my notebook will never be full because of it. the other one was filled with angst. i guess it helped. or i would be able to still feel it. it doesn't hurt to read what i used to write but it makes me wish i could still write like that. even if it isn't the best work. but i suppose i should be happy and i am. i mean i really try to be. and i'm not depressed unless i let myself dwell on my thoughts and the past and the now. so really, i'm just better not thinking at all, or about trivial things. its frustrating.