progress/regress?

i'm on an underoath binge. everything i have by them on shuffle. i don't know what i'm doing with my life, except procrastinating. i am up too late. i am ending this.

forward, not back

there is sadness in your smile
that wasn't there before
i know it will take a while
there was nothing more we could've done
you hold onto the ones you love
as you should,
we can quote death cab
and we can cry
there is nothing we can say
but we can try to heal
yeah we can heal
the past is the past, you can't have it back
we knew this was coming
but we never truly knew what it would mean
and so it seems
that we need to try
to get our lives together
and remember what there is to remember
never forget this past,
but move forward, not back
it's sad but let's move on
all hope isn't gone
all things will come to pass
even if some come too fast
i know that it is hard,
you're not alone remember that
please remember that
i'm trying to get to you
it's all that i feel i can do
everything will come together
everything will get better
time will heal these open wounds
things will not seem so bad
i know that you still are sad
and so am i,
we have to try to heal
through tears and pain
it will be alright
and we will move on
put our lives together
remember what there is to remember
never forget the past,
and move forward, not back.


__________

=|

i hate this time of night.

i have so much to say
to everyone i know, everything i feel
i feel so much
and if i said, everything i could
where would i be?
would you still like me?
because i do not know
and fear fills me up inside
this is dread--i cannot hide
there is no escaping my own mind
and i want to talk about it
my fear comes from the very thing
i want to say this and that
i take things to seriously
i over interpret everything
i want you to love me for me
i don't know where these words come from
tears are falling from my eyes
i am sick of not knowing what to say
when all the words in my head are arranged
forming sentences and words
that you would hear, you could hear
if i told you...
but i am filled with fear
your voice is so near
i am overwhelmed
i am overwhelmed
keep talking so i do not have to speak
i fear this moment,
will i be well received?
i want to know how you will respond
to what i say before i say it.
and then i could tailor my words
to the reaction i want
not have this dread, that keeps me from saying everything
i over think everything,
take in attention, i just want affection
i don't know where I'm going with this
i have so much to say
to everyone i know, every though in my mind
i could talk for days, trying to explain
i would never finish
but I'm scared, how would it fair?
i am filled with fear--i cannot hide
there is no escaping, this is my mind
forgive me i babble,
I'm trying not to hit anything too important
while I'm talking,
in case anything should slip
that i would rather not be heard
because i fear my words
would be taken the wrong way
you do not know. you do not know,
i have so much to say.

-------
I feel like shit.