give me feeling
i feel like a wreck. i don't know why. there's no good reason. school is practically over except for an exam in health and an assignment in jazz band.
i'm just anxious. incredibly anxious. i really don't know what's going on. i sort of gave up my livejournal, i like this better. practically no one sees this at least. no one really saw my lj either though. just kara and michaela and michaela. =/
i'm sick of just being here sort of. i feel like i need to do something, take action but i really don't know what for or why. i'm not really in the right mood for writing right now, and i should be copying my brochure in pen (for jazz band) but i'm too hyped up. i'm not looking forward to my health exam because i lost the review sheet and now am going to have to borrow someone's like 5 seconds before the exam begins to memorize the muscles and the bones. the bones shouldn't be hard, but the muscles...agh.
i miss classes being interesting and engaging. shouldn't school be like that? i miss being able to write decent poetry and crap too. i have the emotions but not the words. sometimes less than that even. it's depressing.
i've given up capitalizing things. pretty much, if i don't have to i don't. i think i should transfer it into my handwriting to, so teachers can get pissed at me when i hand written work in. that sounds fun.
i miss caring about a lot of things that i should care for, when i care far too much for things i shouldn't. i'm still trying to please people way to much, to live up to their expectations. act how they think i should act. i'm just so scared of not being accepted i guess. which is a little ridiculous because right now i'm pretty sure i have more friends who would be willing to spend time with me than ever. but i just can't shake the feeling that they'll all leave and i'll be left alone.
so that's the first time i've put down those fears in a while. and the first in this blog. now i don't feel anxious, just nervous and sad. i'm not sure whether it's an improvement.
i'm sick of just being here sort of. i feel like i need to do something, take action but i really don't know what for or why. i'm not really in the right mood for writing right now, and i should be copying my brochure in pen (for jazz band) but i'm too hyped up. i'm not looking forward to my health exam because i lost the review sheet and now am going to have to borrow someone's like 5 seconds before the exam begins to memorize the muscles and the bones. the bones shouldn't be hard, but the muscles...agh.
i miss classes being interesting and engaging. shouldn't school be like that? i miss being able to write decent poetry and crap too. i have the emotions but not the words. sometimes less than that even. it's depressing.
i've given up capitalizing things. pretty much, if i don't have to i don't. i think i should transfer it into my handwriting to, so teachers can get pissed at me when i hand written work in. that sounds fun.
i miss caring about a lot of things that i should care for, when i care far too much for things i shouldn't. i'm still trying to please people way to much, to live up to their expectations. act how they think i should act. i'm just so scared of not being accepted i guess. which is a little ridiculous because right now i'm pretty sure i have more friends who would be willing to spend time with me than ever. but i just can't shake the feeling that they'll all leave and i'll be left alone.
so that's the first time i've put down those fears in a while. and the first in this blog. now i don't feel anxious, just nervous and sad. i'm not sure whether it's an improvement.
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