confused

I feel so strange. And detached. I went on a run today, and I didn't feel like going my normal route. So I took a right where normally I would take a left, and got somewhat lost. I ran for an hour and 2 minutes. I had some aches at the beginning and at 30 minutes when my legs thought I was done, but other than that...nothing. salkhjgd I don't know how to explain what I want to say. It's killing me. Not literally thank god. But it's just this feeling as if something has gone wrong. Something is not right. I am not right. It cannot be helped however. And I can't find the right music to help me feel better or more like me. I'm not happy, sad, apathetic or any emotion. Well...not an emotion I can think of. Unless confused counts, but I think that's more of a state of mind. I don't know. I don't like not knowing. I like facts and clean cuts. My run today was good because it was a break from that. I don't like knowing where I'm running or how long it is or how long it should take because that knowledge sucks. HATE HATE HATE. That's an answer to that. Not what I'm feeling but what I feel of knowing how long something should take and then being slower. RAGE RAGE RAGE. That's the answer. ANGER ANGER. Coursing through my veins wanting to be let out. Wanting to destroy. BREAK BREAK BREAK something beautiful. Like fight club. My favorite book. AWESOME. anger anger anger...consuming me. I don't express my anger a lot. I think I have a lot of pent up rage, but...I could be wrong. I'm no psychiatrist or psychologist. I want to punch my keyboard to bits. Gone. Now.

bright eyes = <3

Emotion
I'm back here again.
To say what I've said
A million times before,
It's not you, it's me-
Oh who am I kidding?
I lose all of the feeling,
All of my nerve
I fall down the stairs
And crash into the wall
Punch through the pavement
I don't think I can walk
Far enough away
To forget all I've done
To forget it-forget it
'Cause I've missed what I've had
But I've felt no regret
There are so many stories
But not one is sincerely true
And every day I remember
Everything I thought
That it would last forever
That we never would stop
And I go and ruin things
Again and again
Like there's nothing to it
I repeat the same words
As the melodies collide
I have no feeling, no love, no lies.
I don't feel the tears I see in your eyes
I'm nothing, nothing.
I leave not knowing,
Where I'm gonna go
Without any sense of perspective.
And I lose all my feeling
Lose all my nerve
Fall down the stairs
And crash into the wall
Punch through the pavement
And try to find what I'm looking for.



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A little Bright Eyes inspired, I don't know if you can tell. Bright Eyes is wonderful. It doesn't make me happy, but it doesn't make me sad either. =/ Whatever that means. I'm a little depressed I suppose. But nothing major. I went surfing today, the waves would have been good but the wind was onshore and it was pretty choppy. Unfortunately. But otherwise it was fun. =]