i miss this

Tumblr is great, but as much as I love attention, I don't love it. It's too public. With this I feel nameless and faceless, even if I have both. I tried to describe to someone once that the reason I liked New York was because I felt that you could become anonymous in it, just for a while. They didn't understand. Didn't understand the desire to blend in and not be noticed at all.

I am so tired.

Camp is good, but I am just worried about everything. College next year. Orientation. My job. Silly things. The friend request I sent on Facebook to someone I used to be friends with on Facebook but they apparently de-friended me. But I worked with them last year and wanted to tell them that I miss them being at camp. So I tried again.

I hate that people go through facebook friend lists and delete people, like what? Why even accept to begin with? I don't understand these things. :|

i have given up

On this blog. I have a tumblr account, and it is now my life. Sort of.

Check it!

weird

i'm going to have less blog entries for this year than last. i thought i would have more. i guess that not staying up late and pouring out my soul into hopelessly awful poetry has an downside. wait, what?

i guess i'm less angst-ridden. or just less eager to convey it. sweet.

:)

i think

i might start actually using my tumblr. but perhaps not.

i keep finding references to bellingham, wa. i met some people from there when i went to costa rica in the summer and now the town haunts my life. it's ironic because the people i met pretty much said that bellingham was this small unknown town. i sort of disagree, i keep finding it in unexpected places.

today

i am going to turn off airport in the hope that it will help me write my paper faster. it's creative writing so it should not matter. i am praying this will work.

actually

There was one disappointment to my Thanksgiving. Every year we light Lazzaroni Amaretti cookie wrappers on fire and watch them float towards the ceiling. This year however, the wrappers did not fly. It was an outrage. We basically decided that they [the Lazzaroni company] changed the wrapper so the potential hazard of the floating wrapper was no more. Hopefully we just got a bad batch though, and the next time we try success will happen!

thanksgiving!

Was fantastic, as usual. I went up to Maine, to my aunt's house. Every thanksgiving it's my family, my Aunt Linda's family and my Aunt Suse's family. My Aunt Linda's kids fall right in order with my family, my cousin Jess is a year older than me and my cousin Sam is a year younger (actually, he's only 3 months younger than me but is in a different grade). Sam and my brother hang out and Jess and I stick together. Then my cousin's Maris and Leslie are awesome too; Maris' boyfriend Joe was also there, and he is also pretty fabulous (see this).

There was plenty of delicious food and some hilarious games of Scattergories. We (my mom, Aunt Suse, Leslie and I) walked to the lake after dinner, basically in the dark and that was super. This year we had like a 4 hour break between dinner and dessert, which I liked. I have a bunch of pictures I need to upload now though, so hopefully that will happen. I also hope to see some of the stop-action madness that happened on Maris and Joe's camera!

SANTOGOLD

is so fantastic!

=] =] =] love her.

i'm so souped for thanksgiving. maine is one of my favorite places. and i'm pretty sure there will be snow!

i've decided

that even though Robert Pattison wear's his hair sort of awfully a fair amount of the time, he's reasonably good looking. ha.

hahahahaha

dude

so that's the one side of a rubix cube i can complete before being unable to do anything else. but whatever.

i got accepted into college! yes! i got a super fast reply from the university of vermont. so i know, at the very least and assuming i pass all of my classes, i will have somewhere to go to school next year. :D

today was alright

I went to the first swim practice of the season. I forget how much I like the sport during the off-season. I've been putting it off and I don't know why.

I'm excited that Obama was elected. It gives me hope for this country. My one friend was really negative about the whole thing, like, "it doesn't matter who won because nothing will be done." I just think that's the wrong attitude to have. No one's perfect, we don't have superheroes. We can have hope. We have to have hope. Why live in America without it? We are given a chance to choose. And even if you don't like either of the choices, there is always a lesser evil, no matter what. I don't believe that there isn't. So what if they can't manage all they've promised to do? Who can? Who does?

On one side it seems reasonable to hold Presidents to a higher standard than other people, but truly they're only human. It's human to make mistakes. It's human to be unable to complete everything. They aren't superhuman.

Another friend of mine said, "I hope Obama's a good president. I hope I'm not disappointed." I think this is a better view. To have hope for the future. To have a bit of confidence in who is leading the country. I don't know what else you can have.

everything

Is going surprisingly well, thankfully.
I mean, I'm starting 2nd quarter tomorrow! 1/4 of senior year done!
It's so crazy. We had our Halloween dance yesterday and it was pretty fantastic. I've got 3 applications done. I'm going to submit my URI one today, but my guidance counselor is on her honeymoon, so my transcript and other stuff won't be sent out for a little while. Oh well. I need to start on my Columbia application. Since I care about that a lot. I'm debating on whether to have an interview at Brown. I like it, but the reasons I like it are more location based than anything else. Though the make your own academic plan deal is kind of cool. I don't know yet.

ugh.

We had a mock election today in school that somehow we convinced our teacher to let us do. So an AP Calc class conducted a mock presidential election. Weird?

It pisses me off that some people didn't vote because they were like "None of the candidates are capable." They're totally the same people who will complain about who was elected. If you don't vote you lose that right. If you didn't try to influence who was elected, you can't complain about what happened. That's such crap too. Who is capable? Really, tell me, because I'd love to know. The U.S. is such a complex country that I really think it is tough to define who would be best to run it, so if you really like neither candidate, go with the lesser evil. Vote for who agrees with you. That's why we have Congress, so people can't go and enact radical laws.


Besides that though, can I quit life? Senior year sucks.

everyday is the same

i'm falling asleep and sitting on the edge of my seat dying to move
there are too many thoughts in my head
i can't express this feeling
there is only wrong
no no no rights
all that's left is being alone
and i'm trying to change
will you still love me if i'm not the same?
there isn't enough time to explain
and i'm falling down again
this adrenaline is racing through my veins
and this night is nowhere near over
waiting on those words that hopefully won't change
i'm hoping you'll still feel the same
i'm hoping you'll still feel the same way now

college essay?!

Canoeing isn’t easy. My trip through the Allagash Wilderness Waterway taught me that, among other things. The trip, traveling by canoe for 14 days and living in the wild, is one of the foremost experiences in my life and has lead to greater changes in how I live today. Before the trip I had never been camping and was not incredibly fond of the outdoors. To me, the outdoors was muddy, buggy and gross. I still dislike bugs, but no longer fear the outdoors. The trip threw me headfirst into camping, setting up tents, tarps, cooking on small camp stoves and practicing “Leave No Trace” (LNT) principles. LNT was part of the valuable knowledge I gained on the trip; the principles emphasize a low environmental impact. Which is especially important today, where the environment is being destroyed far to often.
From 20 miles spent canoeing in one day to carrying a canoe over 1.5 miles, the trip was a test of strength and skill. The experience broadened my knowledge of camping, instilled a respect for nature in me, and taught me how much everyday comforts are taken for granted. The lack of ordinary comforts such as running water and indoor plumbing heightened my awareness of how imperative those comforts are as well as how many people today lack those comforts. Furthermore, the trip made me desire to test my boundaries. The next summer I flew to Colorado by myself to participate in a leadership camp, an activity I never would have done without the first experience. There I gained my Wilderness First Aid certification and advanced my knowledge of LNT principles. Using this new knowledge, last summer I worked at the camp that gave me the experience of the Allagash trip. I did this hoping to help other girls have the same phenomenal experience I had. Overall, the affects of the trip on me, both tangible and intangible are too numerous to count. The journey was 14 days, but the experience will stay with me for a lifetime.


it's probably going to be edited a little from this, and my friend is going to kill me for the cliche ending, but i think it's alright. i haven't proofread it yet.

today

Was the day of my last high school cross country race. It's sort of sad, but not too much. I'm sure I'm going to be way more broken up about swimming, since that has always been a bigger part of my life.

I also decided the other day that I am going to move out of this country once I finish college or my time in the Peace Corps, assuming that happens. But I don't know. I'm not sure if any other place is too much better. People on a whole are corrupt, why should it change if I'm not living in America?

goodness gracious

I just watched the mock SNL VP debate (finally) on nbc.com. Then I looked at the comments and most of them were super intense political ones. All I could think was, "but dude, that clip was friggin' hilarious, who cares what you think about the candidates?"

I'm so articulate. Really all I have to say right now is that the bailout is needed, because the market won't fix itself (as shown by Herbert Hoover's actions during the 1930s). Also regulation is needed because it is obvious that deregulation has never worked (failing twice now) and never will work.

Furthermore, the plan to buy all the mortgages of the common people and refinance the mortgages is one of the worst I have ever heard and makes absolutely no sense to me.

I am so liberal. It's ironic that I think socialized medicine is an awful plan.