ayyy

the best thing was said to me today:
"spandex are a privilege, not a right."
or something along those lines, by this kid i barely know whose name is Drew. amazingness fer sureee.

THIS IS NOT TRUE

you will come down soon too
you will come down too soon


i hate not knowing what to say, i hate silence. i hate the not knowing more. i'm sick of listening to my own voice. i'm sick of people listening to me. sing me a song and it will make everything all right. i just want everything to be all right. Maybe someday we will be. i miss happy endings. these things are never ending. we have gone too far to turn around. we have gone too far. i missed. this is not the time to say these words spilling from my mouth. nothing right has ever come out. i was trying to be hiding in my silence. i broke it, this is timeless. i promised to tell everything when the time is right. the time will never be right, you know. this is the best i have ever been. and the worst i have ever been. there is no inbetween, no happy medium. i lost everything and gained all i knew. one fell swoop. so cliche. how i never know the right words to say. there is no idea, no golden thought, that will allow me to continue on. i'm hanging on with all i've got. everything will be all right some time i pray. it's to much for me to say. silence suffocating me down. tieing me to the ground. static and immobile. these hopes are futile. there is no escape from the silence i've made. no escape from the sound. contradict everything, this is nothing but a dream. i've hoped to see it all. this is all i've seen. destruction and disaster. lies and laughter. hidden meaning i will never know. i am never told. we fight this war until we grow old and brittle. old and bitter. the hate corrodes our insides. rusted metal grating at our minds. leaving the past behind. we will all die.


-----
today was decent.

work = results, lazy = nothing

I should do something rather than procrastinate so much. Like learn the languages I love. Every single one of them. And get the scanner hooked up to the mac. Pen in my drawings. Read more. Do homework on time. Run all the time. Swim all the time. Everything I say I would like to do. It's stupid. But I never get anything done. Oh, and practice bass, which is becoming a reality. All-state will be the death of me. But it's something better than being boring.

Agh. I hate notes for modern euro and my inability to be productive while on a computer w/the internet. >0

there is no finale

we tried the best we could
i never knew what i knew i should
but everything is the past
the future is coming fast
these sounds fill me with emotions
i can not explain
no words to give a name
failing me for now
words & sounds at once
will you join me?
i know i am not the best
i know that i am a mess
i am giving you a chance, a choice
if i asked you, would you dance with me?
me and my two left feet?
oh, i'm always waiting for a 'no'
i don't know what to believe
people on tv, tell me things i need
i don't need you.
maybe i do. maybe i don't.
deciding things for me.
this world is beyond me
i am trailing behind, a relic,
lost in my own mind
is this for real?
i never knew what to feel, when
you said 'i love you'
it wasn't a conclusion, ever.
i miss you, never.
beginning at the ending,
i have no more problems,
there is no feeling in my words
the sounds i hear, filling the air
emotions i can't explain
while words fail me
and i shake shake shake
on my own, i am filled with feeling
this is nothing real
i can tell you this
i can't tell you this
there was never anything to miss
this is true
i watched everything and talked talked talked
to hear my voice and not hear silence
that would tell me the truths
i did not want to hear anything
but myself
because listening is so difficult
and every thought has a violent need
to be screamed
i hide and hide, silence can be my disguise
there is nothing to say
there is everything to say
i am not finished, i am not done
there is no finale.

ah ha!

So today, I'm walking/sprinting to my first class and see Kate A. who waves me over and points to her mouth were there is an amazing green lip ring. Unfortunately, it's not real, but it was incredibly cool. And I saw Kara and Kainoa on my run which was pretty swell. =0

I don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween. I need to get cracking on that robot costume if that's what I want to be. I'll probably just put on ridiculous clothes and too much make-up and say I'm something random. It doesn't really matter. I swear I'm going to go trick-or-treating forever.

I want this shirt:

uh

So I have a small obsession with French bands. It's all good though.

let's see

I totally respect Radiohead. Their new cd can only be downloaded from their site. You choose the price. And that officially makes me feel far to guilty to try to download it without paying anything. The price is in UK pounds though. And a dollar is like .48 pounds. Which sort of sucks. But, oh well. Besides fixing our economy and national debt, there's not much I can do. ;)

buy me this.
(for girls though)
i will love you forever.

so i wrote something today

it rambles.

you can paint your face with the bad news
all things end much too soon
we'll never know for sure what's going on
but everyone loves a good fight
well we're fighting but what's the poit
w're living and nothing's the same
we're humans are we ever humane?
i wish i could say everything i wanted to
and not get ridiculed for being
so idealistic and naive, it's not
how i mean to be
but words sound better in my mind
than to my ears
every things changed out loud
there's a sound for every emotion i know
we try and hide it,
know one will know
this isn't real or reality
all these things mean nothing to me
we're fighting but there is no reason
we're humans yet not humane
our solutions create problems
we now have to fix
we're missing the point
there is no conclusion
these words are my war
i wish i could do something more
opportunity is what i'm askign ofr
these options are limited, but my feelings intense
emotions like a prism--every color
there's no solution, we are who we are
i just wihs i could say what i wanted to
and not be ridiculed for being idealistic and naive
it's not how i mean to be
everything sound better in my mind
i'm working on thinking how to make things more clear
but the ideas aren't adding up
and the solutions are not enough

a bay bay

i actually hate that song.

buttt, I may be posting on my lj again, fer realz. lawlz. =] hehe.
and i haven't written anything in forever, but words have been bouncing around my brain, I've been so busy. Not really busy enough to justify not writing down said words but whateverrr. =]

and i officially <3 switchfoot. they're lovely.