weeeeeee

the classic crime is awesome. =]

dude

Things are 1/2 good 1/2 bad. I'm sick of being so fucking melodramatic. So that's my mid-end of year resolution, to stop being so fucking melodramatic. And lighten up and work on my schoolwork because I take things way too seriously and need to get an A in modern euro. it was such a mistake to switch into that class. Whatever.

mood

I wish there were better describing words because what I feel like right now = anxious/worried/scared/nervous/terrified/numb/angry/depressed

shit.

how can you tell me those obvious lies with such a straight face?

----
I fucking need a new ipod. Now.

Everything is resolved with a sea breeze and watching the sun rise over the trees. Seeing the sky fill with every hue.

old stuff

Just stuff that was written a while ago . It's not very good and there are lines pretty much stolen from Conor Oberst...oh well.
-------

the words? they stumble around
speaking of things which i'd rather
not talk about
i tried it once, twice, and it's
never gonna happen again I'm afraid
Trust is impossible when people won't
Take your secrets to the grave
you can repeat all the lies
and give the apologies
I'm just gonna walk down the street
And hope I never see you again
Betrayal is nothing to take lightly
And I'm sick of forgiving so called friends
No one will be there 'til the end
Denial is worthless and selfish
How could I believe you would do this?
Always so trusting, I'm sick of me caring
EVERYTHING IS THE SAME

-----------

we were staring up at the clouds
wondering what would come around next
heard the future in our sleep
saw the world with a disease
watched cities crumble on tv
while no one ever heard of you or me

so hard to remember how this goes
as i watched you put on your clothes
where are we now, what time is it?
why do we still exist?

I never thought it'd take so long
And I always feel so alone
Somewhere we went wrong
Between the passing of a cloud and the sun coming out

Our past and future will never meet again
Goodbye, now I've said it again
Sometime this will end, sometime this will end
sometime we will all end

whispered promises, with hopes of happiness
this is always how life was
on the edge of lonliness, when we had no one else
and the future passed us by.

--------
Don't Try, We'll Just Leave
Hold your hand out, it's time to leave
This never was the right disease
The way things were we should have seen
Nothing is as it seems

Pour the wine and have a toast
What is it that you miss the most:
Curious kisses and roaming hands?
Eyes full of desire and loniliness?

This pity party is such a drag
You can never lose what you never had
Talk full of cliches and ungraceful words,
All the truth you had never heard

Walking straight to our graves
Who did you want to save:
The lover that you never loved?
The friend who was never good enough?

Inaction-you're gravest sin
You who never let anyone win
Crocodile tears fall from brown eyes,
You only weep from surprise.

--------------
Joy
Chasing circles around my head
What's to worst you could have said to me?
All the anger and the rage
Wine bottles flying through the air
The contents nicely aged leaving spectacular stains
Held by memories

So I say you're not alone
You say you'll never be whole
The tears in my eyes leaving shadows in my mind
While the door is swinging shut
And I'm left all undone

Which is worse, which is worse
Being left or never having anyone?
And while this perpetual heartache's amusing
These feelings are deceiving
I was never good at choosing
I want to learn everything you see.

And my mind fills with questions
None of them answered. I get up at dawn just to see the sunrise.
All the memories with meaning have faded
That's how it seems--I just want something to hold onto
As the sky fills up pinks and orange and blue
I'm filled with something which so long ago I knew
And now it seems that everything will resolve in the end.

---------
this one really sucks (i deleted some of the really sucky parts though)
we live the cleanest lives we can
volunteering and showers planned
walk along this clear white line
following plans made for our lives

it's been so long now and it's so dark
as we're sitting on a bench in the park
night noises and silence,
our breathing so violent.
I shiver at the sound, it is so dark now.

I laughed when you said you would never be free
I didn't know what you meant
Well this cage that we're in it's all
that we see, clawing at the bars
pretending we're happy
but it was never meant to be

i've been waiting all night for you to tell me
What's going on, but you've stayed as silent
as i've tried to be
And I still wonder what you meant
And if you see the same cage as me.

----------

I tried so hard
Yet everyone still saw the scars
That I always wanted to hide
Someday I'll be fine, I know
I'm always hoping to be found
When I'm lost in the city
Not looking where I am
The nights are so pretty
Even if I can't see the stars
I know that they're there
I hope someone cares as much as me
All the people with their friends
I've yet to make amends with mine,
for everything that happened last time.
I don't know if I could say,
'Things are better off this way'
But I can't get hurt and can't hurt anyone
Sometimes I try to find you
Where I think you'll be
I promise you'll never see me
You'd never want to, I wouldn't want to--
But as i watch the sunrise
Sitting on the beach
I know this isn't the end you
would have wanted for me
I don't know what you wanted from me
I just want to be alive
I do not want to die, anymore
not like i did before

--------

crash and burn, don't pretend
you'll never learn, you've done it again
this disaster is nothing more than you idea of
a good time
you should stop wasting my time
the weeks pass like seconds
i realize i still need you like i need air
it feels horrible
neck high in water that's only getting deeper
i know that i am wrong but you were
always my keeper--
things should have, could have, would have
been different, any other way
It's times like these when sleep is the only escape,
Until nightmares, of harsher years grate upon my mind
Reminding me time and time again why i don't need you
you who i long for, you are my air
I wish you were here

----------
This Future is Our Past
We watch the days fade away
Like our writing in the sand
The sounds of our demise
Filling our ears like a band
A soft and lonely silence settles over
This is the only time I regret
We laughed with innocence at all these feelings
Never expecting how these things would go
I'd give anything to know what you're feeling
But I would never ask and you would never let it show
Those emotions that fly on windy days like these
Watching those colors, simply drifting the breeze
We made promises before we knew what they were
There was nothing easier or free
Laying on the grass watch the clouds
pass overhead
Calling out shapes, remembering all we had said
There was nothing more simple than that
All we had was good times and laughs
The world was what we had
To do with what we wished
Laughter and happiness--there was only bliss
Now these times remind me of this
Only everything isn't the same
Laughter and happiness--it isn't yours or mine
A tale of destruction or a tale of the times?
I don't know. I do not know.
There was such confusion and all that fuss,
The world let us know that we had fucked up
Up until then it was nothing but youthful innocence
We knew not what we did
You said you needed time, well I needed time to think
There was a time when all these problems
Were solved with merely a drink
But no more.
We loved and we lost though we tried as well
as we knew how
this game was never explained and
it's over now
And we sit in silence by the sea
watching clouds pass in the breeze
there was nothing easier or free.

----------

There was nothing but innocence
In those stolen kisses
I told you I loved you
But I knew something was missing
You would have given the world
To just have known what I was thinking
You'd said it enough
You've said it so much
A penny for your thoughts?
The world for yours?
Our treasonous voices, humming vocal chords
A smile as bright as sunshine
Through the cold downpour
Every contradiction--I still wanted more
Drifting through the seasons
Now spring is in the air
Sh! Now be quiet, and tell me what you hear
Spin me a tale of truth and love--
One of those I need more of
There was only innocence
In those stolen kisses
I told you I loved you
I knew something was missing
Now ever day's a day
You could have had with out me
I didn't realize then what I'm now guilty of:
Wasting your time,
Just as you were a pleasant waste of mine.

...:::///|||\\\:::...

It's sort of a lot (it took long enough to type anyway) but it's about everything I've written recently. Tokyo Police Club is really awesome.