clinging to memories leads you nowhere

it's backstabbers and borderlines
would you look at how the time just flies
bitterness lives in every heart in every life
look a little closer with your microscope
specimens and observations
i hope you know who you're replacing
with all your experimentation
it was nice while it lasted
whatever it was
love no i think not lust sounds so good
i say this you're screaming
at the top of you're lungs
i say this you're dreaming
only a nightmare only a dream
look at how the time flies
alone alone alone through the days
you're lovely and wonderful
those adjectives are empty
you're a poison you're vicious
everything you touch crumbles to dust
except for me
bitterness live in every heart and every soul
bitter words bitter thoughts
look a little closer with you're microscope
specimens and observations
you know who you're replacing
with that experimentation
the past is the past
at least we can say it
the past is our present
that's a little more true
the future is coming the future is coming
i hope it's not with you
the words are sarcastic and mildly biting
cutting and scratching but nothing fatal
you're words are deadly with poisonous edges
you're words are the only thing i feel
i say this you're screaming
at the top of you're lungs
frantic and thoughtless
this mess we've become
it's only the past again and again
we can repeat the words but we can't believe them
it's only a nightmare
so familiar so true
you cling to your science
let it replace what it can
we're only a memory, a snapshot of one time
i cling to that ghost
as if it would come back to life someday

winter doldrums

Lately, it's been waking up and lying to myself. About how the day's gonna go, how I'm going to feel, how swim practice/meet is going to be. Whatever. I'm in a state of perpetual sickness and it sucks. I feel like crap all the time. I've been coughing, tired, and sometimes dizzy. It's just ridiculous and it happens every winter, but it seems like more so this winter. I'm amazed that I've been able to keep swimming. I have exams right now, so I have half days but I still have swim practice. I realize that this is just ranting, but I'm sick of being sick. =(



10/28/07 this is a really late update that probably no one will see, but I think it's interesting to know that at the time I had a really really bad sinus infection that I was given antibiotics & nasal spray for in February (apparently if it had gone on much longer untreated I may have been hospitalized =0). So I was actually ill.

there are squirrels

on my roof. Seriously they've been trying to make a home for winter. Even though it's January. The weather in the northeast is making things weird. I heard one this morning when I was half-asleep and I was like, "Did something just get dropping on our roof and roll off?", and then I realized that it must have been a squirrel. It was strange. My dad got a bb gun to shoot at the squirrels if they came on the roof, which I think is hilarious. Really.

uh.

After all my short time on earth, perhaps the only thing I have learned is that, there is little that cannot be dealt with by simply choosing not to care.